tuesday morning i accompanied my grandma to jb,
i told her i'll meet my friend in the afternoon,
as usual grandma ask me a lotta question!

grandma: is a he or she?
kev: is a she, her name is audrey!
grandma: how u go to find her?
kev: cab, probably
gm: she has car or not? what u guys plan to do? she is your gf is it? and blablabla......
kev: no, she is not my gf.
gm: i give u 100 bucks, goto have fun with ur gf!
kev( (-: )：nothing to say!

5pm tuesday
kev: hello!
audrey: where are u?
kev: damn, i KO cause i'm damn tired! sorry!
audrey:...........

wednesday
after one month holiday, i finally met audrey in zon ( JB duty free zone ),
this place rocks man,
it's like a paradaise city for me!
ciggy, alcohol and etc.
we went to a lounge called Gabbana,
and had our dinner there,
the alcohol here is so cheap,
one bucket of budweizer is just 32bahts.
so, we started drinking since 730pm.

after finished our dinner,
we went to bought ciggy and audrey told me we are tourist,
we don't give TWO fucks to what people think,
she said is TWO fucks, not a fuck!

ok, whatever!
we went to another club, dolce.
yes, we went to D & G.
we had some tequila, long island, blue margarita, hoegaarden beer, and a tower of carlsberg!
yes, we are alcoholic but as audrey said,
we don't give two fucks cause it's so cheap.

i started to love jb more,
i used to think the only thing which is nice in jb is kuey tiao kia!

but,
my cousin called me around 1am and told me my grandma was very worry,
she force him to fetch me now!
what the hell,
the night is still young and i just felt tipsy,
this is the best moment in the night but i have to go home now!

after came out from the club,
we went to the kuay tiao kia shop nearby audrey's house and had our supper there!
this is the best shit on earth after drinking!
clubbing in kl will be perfect if they sell kuay tiao kia there!

tonight is a little bit potong steam but overall it's still an awesome night for me!
i was so happy i can see audrey here because she is one of my best friend in college!
we started drinking since 7.30pm and ended at 1.20am which is around 6hours!
we had kuay tiao kia for our supper!
we finish two pack of marlboro in 6 hours!
we spent lest than 200!
i love jb!

i was happy when i met you,
when i found out i like you,
i thought this is the best thing happened in my life,
it is a misery.

i was regretting cause i let you,
you are someone i can't resist,
i don't want to delude myself,
i want to be together with you,
but i understand i got no chance,
i'm so inconsistent now!

last few day i was kinda busy because i went to my cousin's wedding,
this is a huge gathering which provide the family a chance to spend time together.
i chat with my favourite aunt and tell her almost everything happened to me recently!
i appreciate her!
all the time she is the one who listen to me and understand me!

i tried to make myself busy,
and i had a great time there,
but in the end of the day,
i still can't get her out of my head!

memories remain!

while on my way back to johore,i thought back what happened between us,
i still can remember when is the first time i saw her,
the first time i talk to her,
the first serious topic/conversation between us,
the first time we went clubbing,
i found i got feeling to her before i went to japan,
and a lot of other stuff.
the last time we see each other,
and the atmospehre!

while i past the birthday gift to her i was actually very anxiety,
i scared she will reject,
i scared she will misunderstand,
the reason i bought that is because i wanna do something i wanted to do for her.

suddenly,
i passed by a'famosa, i miss this place, i had a lot of memories here,
laughter and tears,
this is something we cannot deny,
memory is the only thing that were always the same and that would always remain the same.

while i'm in johore,
i don't want to be there
i wanna go to somewhere I'd rather be
but when I get there
i found it's not for me

Don't know what I want
Or where I want to be
I'm feeling more confused
The more the days go by

iron maiden - different world

awesome!

Fade To Black

Live it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this Can t be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he 's gone

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late
No, I can't think, think why I should even try
Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death Greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye

agonies of remorse

I have the sense of deep and bitter regret for being gutless. I keep on thinking what if I tell her earlier, what if she receive the letter I sent, I know it is too late to talk about all this; the answer I get might not be what I want but at least I have done something. It is easy to tell people what they suppose to do, how to get over their problem; but it is just too hard. I am filled with remorse. I hate to accept the fact that I got no chance, I hate to accept the fact that this is more painful compare to my mom threw a knife at me even it didn’t hit me. But what can I do, I can’t do shit because I never do anything at all. So now I deserved to suffer the agony of indecisions.

I thought I’ll feel better after I tell her. Yes, it does, for few hours. But the fact is the feeling is just so strong and it getting stronger. Everyone know that drinking is not a solution but I want to drink badly now. I wish I could get drunk forever and never ever sober again. I realize I am not as strong as what I thought. I like sunset, I like to see fallen flower, I am just a pessimistic person. Nothing seems to satisfy, I think I’ll lose my mind if I can’t find something to pacify.

motley crue - if i die tomorrow

feeling stupid, i made a mistake again. i should not rejected my aunt's offer, i should goto japan for my holiday, i thought this two months holiday is a perfect time for me to settle down everything, to lead myself back to the way i suppose to be, to work things out with people, but what i thought are totally wrong, i'm so childish to believe i can solve those problems which had already existed for ages....
decision making is never a problem for me because i tend to make decision without giving second thoughts but consequences is the one that making me suffer!
a lot of people told me the past is past, what i need to do is look forward, it might sound easy but can anyone tell me they can actually do it? i might take time to get over it but one and a half year is just too long!

i am like a zombie now!
stay awake since the day before yesterday,
listen to ozzy for the whole night,
and smoke,
it's time to wake up and do something!

Faded

i don't know what should i do now,
i don't really want to see her nowadays,
she was totally diferent when she is together with him!

friends

i was fucking broke for the past two days,
feel so thankful because i have some good friend who willing to help me,
thanks Dice, Nick, Prada, and Sara.

don't know why suddenly i hate her so much,
there is reason why no guy can tahan her,
she is so irritating,
she think it is people's obligation to help her,
to settle all the shit!

grow up?

omg, i can imagine this happened in college wey,
small kid problems!
these fuckers never grow up,
they still act like a mother fucking high school kid.

we grow old every day,
this is something we cannot control,
but these fuckers all never grow up,
sometimes feel sad for them when i listened to their so call problem,
ironically,
they don't realize about it,
they just want to stay inside their comfort zone,
daon't wanna face the truth,
i am not saying i am supperior or whatever but they are just too childish!

i have know idea what the fuck is going on now!
i am so lost!
i don't know what i'm doing,
dad, i miss u!
i really wanna know your opinion about what i am doing now,
i really hope i can talk to you,
i really think what you said to me is fucking true,
but i just can't see you anymore,
maybe people think i'm stupid, crazy or whatever,
but,
i'll proof to them,
but i just can't take it alone anymore,
i need someone to walk this journey with me!
i don't know how you went through your problem,
how you feel when you handled your problem but i'll never give up!
if i have an opportunity to talk to you again i really wanna know do you regret to what have you done,
i really wanna ask those joker is it something wrong i admire my dad and i am like him,
like father like son,
i'm proud to be carlos tan's son!

shut up and fuck off fuckerssssssss

here for u

Here For You
ozzy

I remember all the good times

Sometimes I'd wonder would it last

I used to dream about the future

But now the future is the past



I don't wanna live in yesterday

Cross my heart until I die

Don't wanna know just what tomorrow may bring

Because today has just begun

No matter whatever else I've done

I'm here for youI'm here for you



So now I sit here and I wonder

What ever happened to my friends?

Too many bought a one way ticket

But I'll be with you 'til the end

I don't wanna live in yesterday

Cross my heart until I die

Don't wanna know just what tomorrow may bring

Because today has just begun

No matter whatever else I've done

I'm here for you



You're my religion, you're my reason to live

You are the heaven in my hell

We've been together for a long long time

And I just can't live without you

No matter what you do,

I'm here for you



I don't wanna live in yesterday

Cross my heart until I die

Don't wanna know just what tomorrow may bring

Because today has just begun

No matter whatever else I've doneI'm here for you

I'm here for you

I'm here for you

I'm here for you

if i die tomorrow, i'll die with regret,
because i haven't say all the thing i wanna say,
i haven't achieve a lot of thing which is a must for me.
i wanna proof to my family member, they're wrong,
i'm not what they think i am,
i wanna tell them everything i worked for now is right,
i wanna proof to all my dad's rival that i can achieve what me and my dad want without my dad,
all this thing need effort and sacrifices,
i know i can do it,
what i need is one year!