memories remain!

while on my way back to johore,i thought back what happened between us,
i still can remember when is the first time i saw her,
the first time i talk to her,
the first serious topic/conversation between us,
the first time we went clubbing,
i found i got feeling to her before i went to japan,
and a lot of other stuff.
the last time we see each other,
and the atmospehre!

while i past the birthday gift to her i was actually very anxiety,
i scared she will reject,
i scared she will misunderstand,
the reason i bought that is because i wanna do something i wanted to do for her.

suddenly,
i passed by a'famosa, i miss this place, i had a lot of memories here,
laughter and tears,
this is something we cannot deny,
memory is the only thing that were always the same and that would always remain the same.

while i'm in johore,
i don't want to be there
i wanna go to somewhere I'd rather be
but when I get there
i found it's not for me

Don't know what I want
Or where I want to be
I'm feeling more confused
The more the days go by

iron maiden - different world

awesome!

Fade To Black

Live it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this Can t be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he 's gone

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late
No, I can't think, think why I should even try
Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death Greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye

agonies of remorse

I have the sense of deep and bitter regret for being gutless. I keep on thinking what if I tell her earlier, what if she receive the letter I sent, I know it is too late to talk about all this; the answer I get might not be what I want but at least I have done something. It is easy to tell people what they suppose to do, how to get over their problem; but it is just too hard. I am filled with remorse. I hate to accept the fact that I got no chance, I hate to accept the fact that this is more painful compare to my mom threw a knife at me even it didn’t hit me. But what can I do, I can’t do shit because I never do anything at all. So now I deserved to suffer the agony of indecisions.

I thought I’ll feel better after I tell her. Yes, it does, for few hours. But the fact is the feeling is just so strong and it getting stronger. Everyone know that drinking is not a solution but I want to drink badly now. I wish I could get drunk forever and never ever sober again. I realize I am not as strong as what I thought. I like sunset, I like to see fallen flower, I am just a pessimistic person. Nothing seems to satisfy, I think I’ll lose my mind if I can’t find something to pacify.

motley crue - if i die tomorrow

feeling stupid, i made a mistake again. i should not rejected my aunt's offer, i should goto japan for my holiday, i thought this two months holiday is a perfect time for me to settle down everything, to lead myself back to the way i suppose to be, to work things out with people, but what i thought are totally wrong, i'm so childish to believe i can solve those problems which had already existed for ages....
decision making is never a problem for me because i tend to make decision without giving second thoughts but consequences is the one that making me suffer!
a lot of people told me the past is past, what i need to do is look forward, it might sound easy but can anyone tell me they can actually do it? i might take time to get over it but one and a half year is just too long!

i am like a zombie now!
stay awake since the day before yesterday,
listen to ozzy for the whole night,
and smoke,
it's time to wake up and do something!

Faded